It’s only been 6 hours. 96 notifications. The usual, a bunch of newsletters he subscribed to with great aspiration but hasn’t read:

• “Gmail: From 0 to 14k MRR”
• “Gmail: Xi Biden find alliance in San Francisco”
• “Bloomberg: Powell hawkish; Stocks tumble”
• “iMessage: Chris sent you a message”
• “Telegram: I AM SATOSHI: 74 Unread Messages”
• “Photos: 3 New Photos”
• “System: An update is available”
• “Gmail: Lynn Valley Optical: 10% off all frames”
• “Gmail: is America salvagable?”

Most of these newsletters haven’t been read or opened in months. Some he subscribed to, some came unsolicited after a sign up, others he had no recollection of.

He gave up long ago on unsubscribing. There’s no link or its cut off or he needs to login before canceling (he never signed up). Some newsletters he even lacks the courage to unsubscribe. When he entered his email a small part of him believed he could become better if he just read it every morning. Unsubscribing feels like quitting and he’s “not a quitter”.

“I’ll read it starting tomorrow” he thinks.

He won’t.

There’s some newsletter on China and it’s impact on the US Economy. The contents aren’t interesting but the S&P is down 50 points. The red in his stock portfolio confirms. He’s down a lot.

He received a couple of messages from friends on other timezones. Most link sharing some instagram post or a tweet. He opens the instagram link, its a viral video on japanese vending machines.

“haha” he responds.

But not before spending another 28 minutes watching reels, from “Top 10 Secret Places in Tokyo” (they weren’t very secret) to old Mike Tyson interviews cut with dramatic music and cookie cutter glitch effects (he’d seen them at least on 4 times already).

After 47 minutes he rolls over, legs hitting the floor as his body swivels upright. He waits for the rush of blood to leave his head as he sits in the cold, phone cluthed in his hand, family asleep.

“Is the american dollar really debased?”